This post is by a special guest writer, Koko. He looks a lot like me and has a similar writing style, but I promise we are not the same person. He is simply who I would be if I allowed constant rejection and romantic woes to make me a deplorable human being. My Roarin’ Twenties does not endorse or condone his thoughts or methods…but it will publish them.
Alright, guys, it’s safe to come out now. Valentine’s Day is over. Christmas is a couple months in the past. The coast is clear.
It’s time to get out there and find a girl. If you’re lucky, you’ll find someone with a birthday that falls between Christmas and Valentine’s Day. That’s the Trifecta. The object of the game is to be with someone for as long as possible without encountering one of the mandatory gift holidays. It’s your mission if you choose to accept it. Good luck.
The problem is how you find that special person. Lucky for you, you have a woman wooer extraordinaire, a virtuoso if you will, at your disposable. Everyone knows I’ve mastered the art of attracting and picking up the ladies. How about this surefire trick?
Scenario 1
You’re walking around a crowded public area…let’s say a mall. You spot an attractive female and walk up to her. “Excuse me,” you say, “but I lost my phone. It’s somewhere around here. Could you call it for me?” When she uses her phone to call yours, and you’ll remember it was in your pocket all along. Since you’ve already had a little conversation and have her number in your phone, no harm in asking for her name so you can call her some time. What’s the worst thing that happens? She doesn’t give it to you, but you still have her number to bother her whenever you feel the need. Game over.
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Clearly, it’s my keen insight into the female mind that puts me in a league of my own. To take my game to the next level, lately I’ve been conducting a social experiment to test a hypothesis of epic proportions. If it’s proven correct, we’re talking about a foolproof method to pick up women.
First, consider this circumstance that everyone (except me) endured at one point in his or her life:
Scenario 2
You’re in middle school. The teacher asks you what the term is for a six-sided polygon. You raise your hand and correctly answer, “Hexagon.” You’re beaming with pride, but suddenly some kid in the back of the class (most likely with a acne-ridden face even though he’s only twelve) decides to rain on your parade. “NERD!” he yells out. The entire class breaks into laughter. Even the teacher. He’s right: You are a nerd. You’re completely embarrassed. You’ll never get laid before eighth grade graduation now.
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Situations like this prompted me to explore the effects of the word “nerd” in adult life. I began using it in casual conversations with friends. “What are we doing tonight, nerds?” “Who’s buying the first round, nerds?” “Are you going to finish those french fries, nerd?” Then I used it in encounters with strangers. At a supermarket: “Keep the change, nerd.” At a restaurant: “What’s the soup of the day, nerd?” As a substitute teacher: “Wow kid, you’re a real nerd…nerd.”
The effects of using the word “nerd” are two-fold. First, it builds your self-esteem. You immediately assert your dominance in the conversation and feel better about yourself. Try negotiating a hostage situation with someone who calls you a nerd. You’ll cave every time.
The second and more important effect of using the word “nerd” is on the victim. Much like the middle school example, when someone is called a nerd in adult life they immediately feel inferior. People are insecure, and it’s important that you prey on someone’s insecurity before someone else preys on yours.
And that obviously applies to women. Who’s more insecure than a girl who grew up modeling herself after Barbie dolls and Disney princesses? It’s the main reason why my method is foolproof and will work for you every time. Call a girl a nerd and she’ll be begging you to sleep with her. You’ll demean her in one instance and she’ll need to feel validated in the next.
Don’t believe me? Watch for yourself.
Scenario 3
At a bar, you pick out the prettiest girl. More likely than not, she’s standing in the middle of a sea of girlfriends, armor in the dating and pick-up world. You casually approach the crowd of women and fight through the outer layers of fatties and uggos. Finally, you reach the diamond herself. “Hey nerd. I’m Koko.” Be prepared for a few seconds of silence as she let’s the shock of this strange and awesome new approach settle over her. “I’m Tina.” She buys you a drink and has her tongue jammed down your throat before you’ve taken your first sip. Jackpot.
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It’s really that simple. It’s Friday night, and I encourage everyone to get out there and personally witness the extraordinary power of the Nerd Effect. Satisfaction guaranteed. When you’re sneaking out of a girl’s apartment early tomorrow morning, I know you’ll want to thank me.
You’re welcome.
